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Matt Wrote This

Matt Burns

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Katelyn Detweiler at Jill Grinberg Literary Management is my agent.

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My Son’s EyesJuly 2, 2025
I Love Live MusicJune 17, 2025
The ScheduleJune 11, 2025
Let Your Child Watch You Use the ToiletJune 6, 2025
My Infant Son Doesn’t Spray Devil Red Piss Directly Into My Mouth As Often As I Thought He WouldJune 21, 2024
Presenting an Opposing ViewpointNovember 3, 2023
A Few Rides Left in these Old DungareesOctober 31, 2023
The Amount of Fingers and Toes at This Company is DisgracefulJune 20, 2023
I Gum Up My Calendar With Nonsense and DreckMay 15, 2023
BlooperMay 8, 2023
I Want to Be A Band’s Go-To GuyApril 24, 2023
Caked Like a Corn DogApril 17, 2023
Expenses UnlimitedApril 11, 2023
Why I Wait for the Second ShowApril 3, 2023
The Things You Notice When You Start to ExerciseMarch 27, 2023
Three at a Time, Four at a TimeMarch 20, 2023
Beat Them to the FlameFebruary 6, 2023
Memory Foam Mattress TopperJanuary 30, 2023
Recalling Our Argon Gas Insulated Double Hung Vinyl WindowsJanuary 23, 2023
Being a Rock Star is About Soul, Grit, and Screaming at the Goons Who Pack Envelopes in My Merch WarehouseJanuary 17, 2023
Mr. MaloneJanuary 12, 2023
Ego DeathJanuary 9, 2023
Home BirthJanuary 5, 2023
Bringing Back the Bean CountersDecember 22, 2022
Ellis Island, 1921December 19, 2022
The Other OfficesDecember 12, 2022
Behind the Scenes of SHREK: THE MUSICALDecember 8, 2022
Google Job InterviewDecember 5, 2022
The Shitting CoachDecember 1, 2022
Rock and Roll FantasyNovember 28, 2022
Support Local JournalismNovember 21, 2022
Courtney Carlyle Dances At LastNovember 17, 2022
Teenagers at TargetNovember 14, 2022
Breaking Your Smartphone AddictionNovember 11, 2022
Paramount Pictures is Proud to Announce the 40th Anniversary 4K Ultra-High Definition Edition of ‘Grease’November 7, 2022
Male Virgin SuicidesNovember 3, 2022
I Ain’t Afraid of No Silent Film TrainOctober 31, 2022
At the End of the DayOctober 27, 2022
Mean Mr. Murphy Lightens UpOctober 25, 2022
The Disaster My Parents Have Been Preparing ForOctober 20, 2022
An Author Outsmarts His EditorOctober 17, 2022
Big in JapanOctober 13, 2022
How Dare They Question Your Immense Creativity?October 10, 2022
A Nice AssOctober 6, 2022
CancerOctober 3, 2022
An Update to the Office Dress CodeSeptember 29, 2022
Patty Parump Gets Her RevengeSeptember 26, 2022
Moisture-Wicking Performance Wear for the Knowledge WorkerSeptember 22, 2022
An Actress and Her DresserSeptember 19, 2022
The HostSeptember 15, 2022
HIRING CHIEF OF SURGERY, 1881September 12, 2022
The SurrogateSeptember 8, 2022
Give the Audience What They WantSeptember 6, 2022
NDASeptember 1, 2022
Weed ProAugust 29, 2022
Olmsted’s HillAugust 25, 2022
Gutenberg’s SonAugust 22, 2022
Pillsbury Bake-Off Recipe Contest WinnerAugust 18, 2022
Perfect PackingAugust 15, 2022
What’s the Deal with Clark Howard? Season 6, Episode 14August 11, 2022
Dwayne Johnson’s Mobile GymAugust 8, 2022
Down at the DocksAugust 5, 2022
BaseballsAugust 4, 2022
One of the BoysAugust 3, 2022

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