Give the Audience What They Want

“Thank you all for coming out and supporting live music and joining us on this beautiful night to celebrate the 20th anniversary of our debut album. We’re going to play that one straight through, and then we’ll dig into the hits from the other records, alright? No new songs on this tour, just the classics. Actually, now that I’m thinking about it, we could just do the first album top-to-bottom and wrap it up there. The other albums sound different and I figure if you came here for the original, then you don’t necessarily like the later iterations of the band. So let’s just do the album and let you all head home. Or, you know what? We hadn’t played a lot of the album cuts from this record since we recorded them, and going back into those, there’s definitely some fat on the bone with this one. There’s a reason most of the tracks weren’t singles. I’d bet most of you only came out tonight for the three singles. So let’s cut to the chase and do those and then maybe we see how everyone’s feeling about any others? Might be best to call it a night there. Although, you’ve all heard the three singles so many times. You know what they sound like. You can think of those songs and I bet what plays in your head is damn-near identical to what we’d do up here tonight. What if we just let you all out now? Head home early, still have time to watch something before bed? We’ll refund your tickets, just make it like this show never happened at all. I’ll have our manager go ahead and remove our catalog from the music streaming services, delete our Wikipedia page. Ask that you all destroy any CDs or posters or t-shirts you may have from us, just kind of go ahead and wipe ourselves out entirely. We’ll shred our social security cards, then have our bus driver take us to the hospitals where everyone in the band was born and pay a nurse to destroy our birth certificates. Just a nice, clean delete. How does that sound?”

The sold-out amphitheater crowd rises to its feet and cheers thunderously.