SEPT. 12, 1881.

Mass. General Hosp. in immediate need of chief surgeon. Lieut. Col. Charles Darcy, in role prior, found to be neither Lieut. Col. nor surgeon; proven to be silver-tongued serial killer with forged documents. Killed over 80 patients before disappearing at night, leaving note explaining sick crimes, moving on to new town with new name and getting away with it all. Chief Surgeon for eight years prior — Cmdr. Gen. James Turnwhistle — proven to be blue-eyed devil with forged papers. Murdered over 120 patients during procedures before boarding train to St. Louis, changing name, and getting away with all gruesome crimes. Chf. Srg. prior, the honorable Paul Austen, M.D., discovered to be maniacal ether addict with no education; took lives of 166 patients across a decade while receiving honors from hospital and key to the city. Fled in broad daylight during parade celebrating his birthday; took passage on carriage to Kansas City where, one can be certain, he drew up new letters of recommendation himself and began gorily murdering patients in plain sight all over again.


Proper education from accredited med. school. Prove with paper transcript of grades. Please do not write this yourself. Please.

Valid identification proving legal name. Again, I ask that you not find any scrap of paper and write a birth certificate on it.

Letter of recommendation from frmr. manager. While you could write this yourself, lie that you didn’t, and get away with it all, I beg you not to.


Disinterest in serially killing patients who are under anesthesia.

While not technically req. for role, I find I rather enjoy working with tall, dark-haired men who possess the sort of deep blue eyes that knock a hospital administrator off balance. A man who rarely blinks, compliments me often, and repeats things I say back to me. It seems a silver tongue gets a man far these days.